On Lech & Czech & the Silliness of (Some) Historical Interpretations

We have, as the patient reader knows, so far on our journey entertained all kinds of hypotheses without, we hope, too much jeering and mocking as we have discussed in so entertaining only those proposals that strike us as at least being plausible if not all likely true.

However, sometimes, a hypotheses is so patently ridiculous that it cannot possibly be true.  But it would be really wacky if it were! And so, refraining from, this one time, restraining the always delicious temptation to jump into the preposterous, we will swerve into the realm of the highly improbable using the eternal opera of Lech & Czech as our canvas and our excuse.

The swerving will be elegant and quick and we propose to either win all kinds of accolades (if we be right) or, at least, to entertain you (if we be, so very, very likely wrong).  Then we will be back on our way.

We give this swerve a 10 on the Kobayashi Porcelain likelihood scale.

This is from Pliny the Elder and his Natural History (Book IV, par 10):

“Corinthiacus hinc, illinc Saronicus appellatur sinus; Lecheae hinc, Cenchreae illinc angustiarum termini, longo et ancipiti navium ambitu quas magnitudo plaustris transvehi prohibet. quam ob causam perfodere navigabili alveo angustias eas temptavere Demetrius rex, dictator Caesar, Gaius princeps, Domitius Nero, nefasto, ut omnium exitu patuit, incepto.”

(The Gulfs thus formed, the one on this side, the other on that, are known as the Corinthian and the Saronic Gulfs.  The ports of Lecheæ, on the one side, and of Cenchreæ on the other, form the frontiers of this narrow passage, which thus compels to a tedious and perilous circumnavigation such vessels as from their magnitude cannot be carried across by land on vehicles. For this reason it is that both King Demetrius, Cæsar the Dictator, the prince Caius, and Domitius Nero, have at different times made the attempt to cut through this neck by forming a navigable canal)

(translation after John Bostock & H.T. Riley (1855) from http://www.perseus.tufts.edu)

Now, as we know, there were Slavs in Carinthia…  And did we mention that koryto means channel?

Even better, the Kadlubek Chronicle equates Corinth with Cracow during its description of Poles fighting the forces of Alexander Macedonian.

If I told you the Lech Ness monster hired me to hit the Corinth harbor, what would you say?

Further, there was even a 391 B.C. battle between the Spartans and the Athenians and their allies.  This would be earlier than the Battle of Lechfeld in 955 A.D. in or the battle at which Lecho, prince of the Bohemians lost his life to the Franks in 805 A.D.  And one could then start talking about fighting Alexander Macedonian as some Polish chronicles claim the Poles have previously.  In fact, forget Alexander this is 35 years before Alexander was  even in diapers!

He said “slob” not “Slav” – don’t wet your pants.

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