If you want to read something truly laughable, you should read “The History Files”, an amusing set of descriptions of various tribes in Europe.
Based on a review of this pseudo-history site, an inescapable conclusion is that a pair of retarded monkeys with a history fetish could have put together a more accurate and honest description of Europe’s past.
The reader should be already alerted by the fact that for a history of Poland, the only thing that is cited is a work by one M. Ross of Durham (!) from 1835: A History of Poland from its Foundation…
The thing is put out by a one man shop out of Taunton in the UK.
Here are some pearls from the site:
“Poland occupies a large area of Central Europe bordering the southern Baltic Sea. Its history is a long one, covering several Bronze Age and Iron Age cultures, the latter of which saw the settlement of Belgic groups [!] who became collectively known as the Venedi, settling along the east bank of the Vistula.”
Did you know that the Venedi were “Belgic”? (The source for this is unclear but I assume that it must be Strabo who thought the Veneti of Vannes to be a Belgic tribe and, perhaps, the Adriatic Veneti but 1) that should make you think about who the Belgae really were and 2) Strabo said nothing at all about the Vistula Veneti). There are tons of “Venetic” names throughout Europe – all you have to do is look at Ptolemy.
Or this:
“the last two centuries BC Germanic settlement from Scandinavia formed minor (tribal) states on the southern Baltic coast and west bank of the Vistula. Of these, the Buri and Lugii occupied areas of southern Poland,”
Did you know that the Buri and Lugi were Germanic? No? No problem, now you do.
But the most amusing thing is this:
“The Late Bronze Age Lusatian culture … covered all of modern Poland with extensions into modern Czechia [!] and Slovakia, north-western Ukraine, and areas of central eastern Germany and eastern Pomerania… the Lusatian evolved directly into the subsequent Pomeranian culture. The ethnic composition of the Lusatian people is questionable, but they would have pre-dated the arrival of Germanics into the region.”
Here is a hint:
- The Lusatians were the Veneti
So what happened?
- Pre-Lusatian > Lusatian = Venetic = Suevic > Slavs
That said, it is probably true that some people really did crawl out of the Pripet Marshes. You can tell who they are by the fact that they think they are Slavs and since their ancestors did crawl out of the marsh, so, too, must have the Slavs.
Lesson learned:
when they arrived on Slavic doorstep, still dripping with Pripet’s marsh goo, the Suavs should have just given them the Saint Adalbert treatment.
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